Stress Cause & Effect
Do you know the root of your stressors?
You might be convinced it’s to do with HOW MUCH YOU HAVE TO DO TODAY, but they could be playing a cruel magic trick on you and manifesting from something else entirely different.
Stress leading up to a meeting in which you thought you were fully prepared? Perhaps it's because it reminds you of a time in the school play you feel like you made a tit of yourself (spoiler alert - you didn’t)….
Beating yourself up because you missed the train so you’ll be late to the office? Perhaps it's because you're worried you’ll be judged, insecure and eager to please...
Row with your partner about the dishes? Maybe it's because you're not quite on the same team at the moment and it's raising some uncomfortable questions about the stability which you crave (although it could just be about the dishes)...
Have OCD tendencies about safety in your home because you had turbulence in your home environment at a time…
Worried about the latest bill (aren't we all)... could it be you're on a financial island with no "back up" options and money means security to you because you didn’t have much growing up...
When things become uncomfortable, we reach for coping strategies because there are triggers that remind us of a situation we have already encountered somewhere in our life that have taught us to be prepared for that thing happening again. It’s your mind's clever mechanism to protect you by giving you a sense of control when change feels overwhelming.
Mostly, we don’t need to protect ourselves again in that way, it’s the mind's way of creating safety, so this becomes an unhelpful habit that holds us back rather than moves us forward.
If you believe that you can positively affect your circumstances and engage in problem solving - this is called a strong internal locus, and those folks tend to be happier, healthier and more resilient. Folks who have a strong external locus rely on external forces to drive actions and make decisions and as you can probably imagine - that’s a quick skip to hopelessness, frustration and unhealthy coping mechanisms because there’s not so much we can do about things out of our control.
Maladaptive coping strategies are the kamikaze ones that absolutely do you no good in the short or long term but we reach for them in desperation for a quick fix - you know, the bad substances, withdrawing, escaping, emotional numbing, the overindulgence. Adaptive strategies are the ones that balance you and build you up.
So it’s helpful to take a look at the cause of our worry, and the effect it’s having so we can be primed and ready with adaptive strategies.
To understand what might be at the source, it’s going to take a little self reflection. The place to start the inquiry is your personal belief & values system, the environmental and relationship learnings as you grew up, your hierarchy of needs (link to Maslow) and then you might start to understand why, when and how you’re triggered.
Be intentional in finding some new adaptive coping strategies that are healthy and helpful and that work for you for when you notice you might need to reach for some... here are 5 ideas:
Boundaries - these are the invisible line you draw around yourself to protect your emotional space, your energy, your priorities
Good care - moving, diet, sleeping - you know these are the pillars for physical resilience
Relax yourself - take a breath, have a bath, get into nature
Talk it out - with friends, family, a professional, even the act of putting how you feel out in space can make a difference, it might even reframe your perspective, and mostly, remind you that people are there for you
Fun times - cut yourself some f*cking slack and LAUGH... find an IG account, go to a stand-up, and spend time with the people that lift you up
I mean, heck, do these anyway - then you’ll have lots of practice and a natural propensity to reach for these when things get gritty.
